I’m sadder than socks with a singular hole. I’m glummer than glub-glub who swallowed a coal. For Rosaline-Winifred-Who doesn’t care! She looked at my heart and said, “Nope! Not in there!” MERCUTIO-GOOSE (popping up, doing a flip): Oh, piffle! Oh, poppycock! Snickle-snack-snooze! You’re rhyming with gloom in your oversized shoes! Let’s sneak to the party! Let’s bounce on a chair! Let’s dance till our toenails grow curly green hair! (SCENE TWO: The Party, which looks like a blender threw up confetti.)
What light through yonder waffle iron breaks? T’is a Sneetch! And a glorious Sneetch, for goodness sakes! Her hair is like fizz-floss, her nose like a pootle. I’ll marry this creature and name her my Skittle! JULIET-GAZZ (giggles): A Montague? Gasp! A terrible pickle! My family will grumble and throw a loud nickel! But who cares for nickels? Who cares for a name? A rose by a smell-smell still smells the old same! (They hold hands. A small dog in a hat sneezes. They kiss. It sounds like a “Zoop!”) the seussification of romeo and juliet script
You kids want to marry? Well, how about that? I’ll mix you a potion from a smoozled old bat! One sip makes you sleepy. Two sips makes you snore. Three sips makes your toenails grow right through the floor! (SCENE FOUR: The BIG MESS. A fight. Then a bigger mess.) I’m sadder than socks with a singular hole
A Happily-Ever-After-ish Tale of Two Who-zits and a Whole Lot of Nonsense She looked at my heart and said, “Nope
You Montague doodle-head! Scallion-fish-bait! You ruined my party! You ate off my plate! MERCUTIO-GOOSE (jumping in front): Stand back, Romeo-Zoot! This fellow’s a prune! I’ll fight him with spoons and a three-headed baboon! (They fight. MERCUTIO falls. He looks up, very dramatic.)