You are the person she taught to tie shoes, to read clocks, to not eat glue. Now you are showing her she doesn't know something basic. That reversal of roles is existentially painful for her.
Taking over the mouse/keyboard. The Fix: Put your hands in your lap. Use verbal only instructions. "Move the cursor to the top left. Click once. Now type your password slowly." Pro tip: Let them press "Enter." That moment of success is the baby crowning. Celebrate it. Stage 3: Transition (The "Let me do it for you" Phase) Symptoms: Begging. "Please, just this once, do it." teaching my mother how to give birth
She wasn't giving birth to a baby. She was "giving birth" to a new version of herself: a widow learning to pay bills online, a retired woman trying to join a Zoom book club, a patient navigating a new health portal. You are the person she taught to tie
She had given birth. And I had been there to catch her. Taking over the mouse/keyboard
Yes. Usually, it is the mother who teaches the daughter about birth. But two years ago, I found myself sitting on a scratchy hospital sofa at 3:00 AM, holding my mother’s hand while she squeezed back tears. And I realized something terrifying: She has no idea what she is doing.
Relenting. The Fix: Say, "I am right here. You are safe. You will not break this." (Yes, just like a doula). Let them fail. A failed login is not a tragedy; it is a lesson in recovery. The Epidural You Need: Documentation After three weeks of teaching my mom how to use her new smart TV, I realized we kept having the same fight. She forgot the steps between Wednesday and Friday.
When I feel my jaw clench now, I stop the lesson. I say, "Mom, remember when I was five and you spent three hours teaching me to tie my shoes? And I cried? And you just kept tying and untying the laces until I got it?"